There was a time when you could disagree with someone and still enjoy sitting across the table from them.

You could argue about politics, religion, sports, or just about anything else, shake your head at each other, and somehow remain friends when the conversation was over. Nobody had to leave convinced. Nobody had to be defeated.

Somewhere along the way, that seems to have changed.

Today, disagreement can quickly become personal. We don't simply challenge someone's opinion; we question their intelligence, their character, their faith, and sometimes even their worth. Social media has made it incredibly easy. We can type something to a stranger that we would probably never have the courage—or the cruelty—to say while looking them in the eye.

And perhaps the strangest part is that sometimes we do it while believing we're standing for what is right.

As Christians, that should make us think.

There is nothing wrong with having convictions. There are things worth standing for, truths worth defending, and moments when remaining silent isn't the right choice. Jesus certainly wasn't afraid to speak truth.

But He also showed us that truth and compassion don't have to be enemies.

Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:15 about “speaking the truth in love.” Those last two words matter.

In love.

We seem to have become very good at the truth part and sometimes forget everything that follows it.

I can win an argument and still lose something more important.

I can prove my point and embarrass another person in the process. I can quote Scripture and use it like a weapon instead of allowing it to shape my own heart. I can leave a conversation completely convinced that I was right while never considering whether the way I treated someone reflected the Christ I claim to follow.

Being right doesn't automatically make the way we behave right.

That's a difficult lesson because pride loves winning.

Pride wants the last word. Pride wants the other person to admit defeat. Pride wants everyone watching to know which side came out on top.

Kindness asks a different question.

What will this person remember about the way I treated them?

That question can change a conversation.

It doesn't require abandoning our beliefs. Kindness isn't weakness, and respect doesn't mean agreement. We can stand firmly on what we believe while remembering that the person standing across from us is still a human being.

Jesus encountered plenty of people who disagreed with Him. Some rejected Him. Some questioned Him. Some tried to trap Him with their words. Yet again and again, we see Him looking beyond the argument and seeing the person.

Maybe that's something our world could use a little more of.

Before responding to that comment, maybe we could ask whether our words are going to accomplish anything besides making us feel better.

Before turning a disagreement into an enemy, maybe we could remember that we don't know everything that person has lived through.

Before deciding someone is beyond reaching, maybe we should remember how patient God has been with us.

James 1:19 gives advice that feels almost written for the age of social media:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Imagine what would happen if we actually practiced that.

Imagine reading a comment we disagree with and taking a moment before responding. Imagine listening to understand rather than listening for the opportunity to strike back. Imagine being able to say, “I don't agree with you, but I respect you.”

We aren't going to agree about everything.

We never have.

We don't need to.

But somewhere between defending what we believe and proving that we're right, we cannot lose our ability to treat one another with dignity.

Because years from now, people probably won't remember every argument we won.

They may not remember our clever response or the point nobody could answer.

But they will remember how we made them feel.

And for those of us who claim to follow Christ, perhaps the question isn't simply whether people heard the truth from us.

Perhaps we should also ask whether they saw His love in the way we delivered it.

Being right may win the argument.

Kindness may reach the person.

And sometimes, reaching the person matters far more than winning.

— French J. Miller